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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559129">Only You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramimedley/pseuds/ramimedley'>ramimedley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Pacific (TV), sledgefu - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Depression, Fear, M/M, PLEASE READ TAGS, Sadness, Suggestions of Previous Suicidal Thoughts/Attempt, Support</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:12:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramimedley/pseuds/ramimedley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking at his beautiful profile Merriell thought about how lucky he was to have found Eugene and that he’d stayed with him.  Such an unlikely pairing.  There were times Merriell felt like maybe this was just a dream.  Eventually he was going to wake up and be alone.  Staring at the ceiling overhead he tried to stave off the darkness he felt headed his way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merriell "Snafu" Shelton &amp; Eugene Sledge, Merriell "Snafu" Shelton/Eugene Sledge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Only You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a dark fic.  It has a resounding theme of love for our boys, but deals with some triggering topics.  Please see the additional tags/warnings above.  I promise some fluff for next time!  If you do read, thank you so much.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merriell felt Eugene moving around next to him in bed. Reaching out he ran his fingers down his back watching as he snuggled deeper into the pillow; his deep breathing indicating he was lost in sleep again.</p><p>Looking at his beautiful profile Merriell thought about how lucky he was to have found Eugene and that he’d stayed with him. Such an unlikely pairing. There were times Merriell felt like maybe this was just a dream. Eventually he was going to wake up and be alone. Staring at the ceiling overhead he tried to stave off the darkness he felt headed his way.</p><p>Merriell was definitely made from a different mold then Eugene. No family to speak of, growing up poor, fighting, sexual experiences completely opposite of the man sleeping next to him. He kept trying to ignore his mind slyly whispering to him that Eugene was too good for him. He deserved better than some little one bedroom house where they often could barely scrape enough money together to pay the rent. He deserved better than Merriell.</p><p>Eugene’s parents had helped them out on more than one occasion with their bills and Merriell hated it. He should be the one taking care of them, but he couldn’t even do that.</p><p>Eugene had a strong, solid family. They were rich, and fighting was unheard of in their home. How in the world did Merriell manage to catch and keep him? Sighing deeply he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep.</p><p>Listening to thunder roll outside he tapped his phone seeing it was 4:30am. He hated these types of nights. He woke up too early, couldn’t go back to sleep, dark thoughts rolling in. He was good at hiding it most of the time, but when he was alone like this all those niggling worries started to creep to the surface; making him feel hopeless.</p><p>Seeing lightning flash across the sky through the window he heard the first few drops of rain hit the roof. Placing a kiss upon the back of Eugene’s neck he murmured “love you” before climbing out of bed.</p><p>Crossing to the window he took in the chaos of the storm outside. He could identify with it on so many different levels. Merriell had been that chaos, knew what it felt like to be falling apart inside while making everyone else think he was just a hellion. He’d always been called Snafu for a reason. The only time that changed was when he met Eugene. He was the one that started calling him Merriell. He was the one that drew him out of the dark when he was lost. It wasn’t fair that Eugene had to deal with all his shit and to be honest Merriell was exhausted with it as well. Eugene would be better off without him.</p><p>Glancing over he knew the cabinet was locked. Eugene kept the key as a safety precaution. Merriell had no idea where he hid it. Walking over he experimentally tugged on the handle. Locked up tight. He’d asked Gene to take care of that so if he was ever tempted again it wasn’t an option. He didn’t want to think about the last time.</p><p>Aiming a look over at his sleeping husband he knew that was the only thing anchoring him here. Without Eugene he would have already been gone.</p><p>Opening the door to the patio he stood outside shirtless in the rain. Feeling the wind whip against his body he closed his eyes. He had to get away from the house; the rain felt cleansing.</p><p> </p><p>Waking to a loud clap of thunder Eugene felt himself alone. Reaching across the bed the sheets were cool where his husband should have been. Figuring he’d gone to the bathroom or went to let out their dog Eugene turned over to go back to sleep. He just couldn’t do it though. Something wasn't right. He could feel it in his bones.</p><p>Swinging his feet over the side of the bed he felt around finding his hoodie to throw on. It was fall and due to their meager budget they kept the heat set pretty low so they wouldn’t run up the electric bill.</p><p>Their place was small, but they’d filled it with love, laughter, even some tears. There was nowhere else he’d rather be other than right here with Merriell. It wasn’t home unless they were together.</p><p> </p><p>Poking his head into the bathroom he noted the darkened light and empty room. Wandering down the hallway everything seemed too still. The storm was still raging outside, but he couldn’t find Merriell anywhere.</p><p>Starting to get worried he looked over towards the door to the patio. Sitting right in front, nose pointed at the door sat their dog, Cher. Looking back at Eugene she whined turning back towards the door.</p><p>“What’s the matter, girl?” He leaned over scratching her ears. Whining she pawed at the door. “You need to go outside?” Eyeing the rain that was starting to let up he went to open the door only then noticing it wasn’t latched all the way.</p><p>“Shit,” he stated, urgently opening the door and taking off into the backyard. They lived on the border of a wooded area that stretched behind their small yard. If Merriell didn’t want to be found he wouldn’t be, not in the dark and the rain.</p><p>“Merriell,” he called; furtively looking around; swiping rain out of his eyes. Trying to keep calm he reassured himself that he was probably just out here smoking; nothing to worry about.</p><p>Watching Cher streak off across the yard he followed quickly behind. Cher was Merriell’s baby. If he was out here she’d find him. Seeing her dart into the woods he quickly followed along after her.</p><p>Feeling relief rush through his body he saw Merriell sitting on an old log; body drenched from the rain.</p><p>“Hey,” he called out softly. He wasn’t sure what had happened, but he was not new to these moments. Merriell struggled with depression. Sometimes it got the better of him and all those worries he usually kept locked away spewed forth to the surface.</p><p>Not getting a response Eugene gingerly sat down on the log next to him. Bumping his shoulder he reached a hand out to grasp the cold hand next to him. Twining their fingers together he waited for Merriell to respond. Eugene’s heart hurt for him when he fell apart. He couldn’t fix what was wrong, just be there for him to help pick up the pieces.</p><p>Watching a tear slide down his cheek he pulled him close against him. He’d sit here all night if he had to, raining or not. Feeling the shudders start Eugene blinked back his own tears. He felt so helpless; unable to help Merriell fight his demons. It terrified him to think of Merriell alone going through one of these episodes. That’s one of the reasons he kept the key. The only thing to do was to let it run its course.</p><p>“You’re fine,” Eugene murmured; pulling him tighter against him. “It’s going to be okay; I promise,” he soothed. Feeling a hand come up to grip the back of his neck he just let him hold on; physical contact always helped. His mind would start thinking he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t best for Eugene, rehash things from his past. Leading him down a dark rabbit hole that he had such a very hard time climbing out.</p><p>M’ sorry, Gene” he shakily started. “Don’ know why this always has ta happen.” Looking up at him with woeful eyes he mumbled “you’d be betta’ off without me.” Tucking his head into Eugene’s neck he burrowed in as close as he could. Eugene’s soothing arms, caring voice always brought him out of the darkness. But why should he have to? Merriell brokenly thought to himself.</p><p>Gripping his chin and angling him up so he could look him straight in the eye Eugene clearly stated “I love you Merriell Shelton.” Watching those eyes dart away, lashes wet he continued. “I could never be better off without you.”</p><p>Attempting to get him to make eye contact and failing he continued “we got married for a reason. We love each other and want to be together.” Sighing, he pulled him closer “I always want to be with you Mer. You make me happy.”</p><p>Making sure he fully understood he placed a soft kiss upon his mouth. “I only want you. This does not make me want you any less.”</p><p>Pulling him to his feet he pulled him flush against him. “We all have our issues. Part of our deal is being there for each other even at our lowest.”</p><p>Tracing the outline of Merriell’s ring with his finger he tugged at his hand leading him back across the yard. “You’re freezing babe,” he whispered rubbing his hand across Merriell’s arm. “Let’s get you into the house.” Whistling for Cher they all went back inside.</p><p>Settling Merriell down on the couch he quickly lit a fire in the fireplace. “Hold tight,” he murmured. “I’m going to grab us some clothes to change into.”</p><p>Making sure Merriell was staying put he jogged into the bedroom getting them both some dry clothes. Returning to the living room he stripped Merriell down, tugging sweatpants up and over those bony hips. “You feeling warmer?” He asked; handing him a t-shirt to put on.</p><p>Throwing another log on the fire he grabbed Merriell’s favorite quilt off the back of the chair. Glancing over he saw they weren’t where they needed to be yet. Merriell still wasn’t making eye contact, staring blankly ahead.</p><p>Sensing her owner’s unease Cher head-butted his hand, waiting for that familiar scratch. It didn’t come.</p><p>It was like being in a well that was too deep; impossible to climb out of and he was getting so tired. Feeling more tears he put his head in his hands. Why did he let himself fall down like this and why couldn’t he make it stop? He was lost in his own head and wasn’t able to struggle to the surface. He felt like he was drowning. Grabbing at the quilt next to him he pulled it around him like a cocoon; eyes just peeking out. It will pass, he kept thinking, it will pass.</p><p>Hearing Eugene come back from the kitchen with some hot tea he felt him sit down beside him. “You need to drink this,” he gestured, handing the cup over.</p><p>“You should’ve woken me, Mer” he whispered; pulling him closer. “There’s no reason why you should go through this alone; ever.” Feeling his husband sag against him he placed the cup on the table and laid them back against the couch; chest to chest.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have ta deal with this shit Gene,” he shakily whispered, burying his head against his chest. Eugene’s familiar smell soothing his aching heart.</p><p>Tipping his head up Eugene dangled his finger in front of Merriell’s nose. “See this?” He asked, pointing at the slim band; firelight catching the gold. “That means I do and that I chose to.”</p><p>Placing a kiss to the end of his nose Eugene slid his arms around him as best he could pulling him tighter. “We’ve done this before Mer and we might have to do it again, but irregardless I’m going to be here to help you through it.”</p><p>Eugene wasn’t sure how Merriell had handled these incidents before they were married and he had kept it very well hidden for a long time. It wasn’t until they had moved in together Eugene began to see it slip through. The more in love he fell the more he saw that underneath that tough exterior was a scared little boy. He was way too hard on himself; always had been. If he could just see once how Eugene saw him maybe he’d realize how very precious he was to him.</p><p>Feeling sniffs at his hand Eugene reached out running a hand over silky fur. “It’s not me she wants you know,” he murmured.</p><p>Feeling Merriell shift he turned over so his back was against Eugene’s chest.</p><p>Seeing her master’s hand free she head-butted again. This time she was rewarded with fingers running down her ears. Moving closer she laid her head on the edge of the couch; soulful eyes watching.</p><p>Raising a hand to wipe his face Merriell sighed deeply. Absently stroking the top of Cher’s head he felt Eugene lay a kiss upon his neck. “We’re going to be fine,” he heard him whisper; squeezing the arm around his waist.</p><p>Reaching a hand up he placed his over the top of Eugene’s. He really didn’t know what he would do without Eugene. He was his shining star in the blackest of nights. Feeling exhaustion settling in he murmured “love you, Gene.” Once again he’d helped him through. What would he do without him?</p><p>Leaning down Eugene whispered “you have no idea how much I love you too.”</p><p>Laying on the couch, the dog curled up on the floor, logs crackling in the fire Eugene started to feel like things were going to be okay. Feeling the deep breaths from the chest in front of him he ran a finger across the nape of his neck. In Eugene’s heart he knew Mer was his person and he’d do whatever it took to make sure he was here for him; always.</p>
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